Q. If I save sex for marriage, and then find out my wife didn’t, it’s going to hurt to know she did that stuff with other guys. So, shouldn’t I just protect myself from that hurt, and “sow my wild oats,” so that she and I will be on the same page?

A. If you chose to live with this mentality, what would you say to your future bride? “Honey, I slept around because I wanted to protect my heart at your expense?”

You know if you “sow your wild oats,” you’ll only be hurting yourself and your future bride. You won’t be protecting anybody. In fact, what if you then meet a virgin? Or what if you miss that girl because you’re too busy hooking up with girls you don’t respect? Or what if you become a teenage father or end up with an STD? You know in your heart that it’s not worth it. So pray to St. Joseph and St. Raphael the Archangel to guide you towards a pure courtship. Have faith in God, because he is the author of love.

In the meantime, don’t focus on protecting yourself from the worst case scenario. Focus on becoming the man that your bride deserves. Regardless of her past, it will be an honor to marry her. Consider these words of a young man who emailed me when he was struggling with the same issue: “Most importantly, I've prayed over it. I've come to the realization that the woman God sends for me to marry will truly be from God and that I should not be selfish, but gracious that God will have allowed me to participate in the sacrament of marriage with her.”