Q. Is oral sex okay, so that you don't go all the way?

A. If you are being called to marriage, then right now your future spouse is somewhere out there. Do you ever wonder what she or he is doing right now? Maybe he is running the bases during baseball practice, or maybe she is laughing with friends at a coffee shop as they cram for a test. Suppose that he or she is elsewhere, namely at the house of a person who finds him or her very attractive. The parents are not home, and as you read this, that person is trying to talk your future spouse into having oral sex.

If you could speak to the heart of your future spouse right now, would you say, "Oh, go ahead--just make sure you don't go all the way, honey!" Probably not. You would also have some words for the other person, such as: "That's my bride!" or "That's the man who will one day kiss my children goodnight." You would feel sickened by what that person is trying to get from your future husband or wife.

One reason why oral sex is gaining popularity is because people think that it is a safe alternative to sex. Although you will not get pregnant from it, it is anything but safe. I once asked a microbiologist which STDs you could not get by means of oral sex. She stood there thinking for a while and said, "I can't think of any that you can't get from oral sex (including HIV)." Sure enough, doctors today are seeing cases of oral herpes, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc...

Other people resort to oral sex so that they don't lose their virginity. Although you do not technically lose your virginity by having oral sex, it still robs you of innocence and puts you in situations where you could easily lose your virginity. It does not relieve sexual tension in a man, but creates it and reinforces in him the myth that he has sexual "needs" that must be met, even at the expense of a woman's dignity and innocence. The bottom line is that you don't need oral sex to keep from going all the way. You need grace, courage, and self-respect.

We need to take an honest look at our motives. Why are we doing this anyway? Why would a person become upset if he or she were not allowed to have oral sex? Recently I was invited to speak to a high school morality class. When I arrived, the teacher said to me in front of the class, "We've been having a big debate about oral sex. They do not see anything wrong with it. What would you say?" Everyone in the class looked at me and awaited my response. I said what came to mind: "If a guy needs to place his genitals into the mouth of his girlfriend in order to show her what she means to him, then it shows exactly what she means to him."

from pureloveclub.com