Q. What if I feel like I don't deserve a good guy? Will someone still love me even if I made some mistakes and am carrying "baggage"?

A. You may think that the holier a guy is, the less likely he would be to accept you with your "baggage." Actually, the opposite is true. The Bible speaks repeatedly of God as the bridegroom and his people as the bride. When Israel turned away from God in the Old Testament, it was described as an act of spiritual adultery. In the book of Hosea, it is written, "the land commits great harlotry by forsaking the Lord. . . . She . . . decked herself with her ring and jewelry, and went after her lovers, and forgot me, says the Lord" (Hos. 1:2, 2:13). Even so, the Lord took her in: "I will betroth you to me for ever; I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness; and you shall know the Lord." (Hos. 2:19–20).

When a "good guy" loves and accepts a girl who has a bad past, it is an act of love in imitation of the heavenly Father. God loved Israel even when she was impure, and a "good guy" is able to love a woman even if she has an impure past. Through the work of redemption God purifies his bride, "that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish" (Eph. 5:27). Similarly, by living purely with you, a godly man can help you heal your memories. The more a man is like God, the more he will be able to love you as God loves us, with all of your "baggage." He loves us where we are, but loves us too much to leave us there.

So do not let go of hope. I remember at World Youth Day in Toronto, Pope John Paul II said, "You are young and the Pope is old and a bit tired. But he still fully identifies with your hopes and aspirations. Although I have lived through much darkness, under harsh totalitarian regimes, I have seen enough evidence to be unshakably convinced that no difficulty, no fear is so great that it can completely suffocate the hope that springs eternal in the hearts of the young."(1)

None of us deserves the gifts that God bestows upon us. His generosity is unimaginable. "No ear has ever heard, no eye ever seen, any God but you doing such deeds for those who wait for him" (Is. 64:4 NAB). "Shall I not open for you the floodgates of heaven, to pour down blessing upon you without measure?" (Mal. 3:10, NAB).

The truth is, we have all made mistakes. Even good guys have baggage to some extent. Suppose, though, that you met a young man who had a bad past. Would you refuse to accept him? If you would accept such a man, then why would a good guy refuse to accept you? Keep hope alive, and may the following words from a husband to his wife (who had slept with another man before marriage) be a comfort for you: "I was always held to a higher standard by you than by any other girl I ever dated. You were strong, uncompromised, and pure. That's all I know of you. That's all that matters to me." (2) Do not be afraid that you will not find a good guy or that you will not have a successful marriage. The absence of physical virginity does not doom marriages, but the absence of the virtue of chastity does.
________________________
1. Homily at closing Mass
2. Gresh, And the Bride Wore White, 150.