Q. How do you know if a girl wants a relationship with you?

A. Some of the most obvious clues are that she's returning your calls, wanting to talk with you, hang out with you, and is playfully affectionate (hitting you, etc). It's not always that easy though, since girls are--by their very nature--weird. Sometimes a girl will talk a lot with a guy, and grow to be good friends with him. This is great, but meanwhile the guy may begin having feelings for her, without realizing that she's not on the same page. She might like having him as basically a male girlfriend.

To help avoid this, you want to make sure obviously that she is not currently in a relationship. If a person is flirty towards you while she is committed to someone else, avoid her like the plague. Those who are unfaithful with you will be unfaithful towards you. When you do date a girl like this, you never know how she is acting towards other guys when you're not around. Also, make sure that she hasn't recently broken a relationship off, either. If she has, take it really slow and do not jump into a new relationship with her. It's also good to know why her last relationship broke off. When people get bored in relationships and take this as a reason to leave, they often hop from relationship to relationship, and the only thing they are committed to is the feeling of being in love. When the feelings go away, so do they. You don't want this.

To avoid that, start things off with a long, graced friendship. If you want love to last, this is the best foundation you can give it. After time, it should be clear if both of you desire the clear commitment of a relationship. There's no need to rush into it. Enjoy that season of pure friendship.

Use this time to also decide if you're even ready to be in a relationship that could lead to marriage. Perhaps you could take the Love Test to see how the two of you do, simply rating how healthy your friendship is.

Q. How do you know if a guy is interested in you?

A. I realize that this may be shocking for you to read, but guys are not great at communicating. In fact, beginning at the age of two, girls say three times as many words as guys do!

But do not lose hope. Although we don’t speak much, guys are simple creatures. If we like a girl, we’ll make the effort to spend time with her. It’s that simple.

If he barely knows you, then it’s understandable for him to be more distant. But if a guy is already your friend, and he’s not making any special effort to call you, text message you, or spend time in your zip code, then don’t make excuses for “why he’s just not ready for a relationship.” Also, don’t pursue him. Teen girl magazines recommend this approach, but such advice is worthless. Do you really want a guy who doesn’t think you’re worth chasing? It would be like a princess hopping out of the castle and slaying the dragon because she’s afraid her knight in shining armor is too scared to do it himself. If that’s the case, she’s better off locked up in the tower.

If you don’t know what he’s thinking, and you want to give him the opportunity to make the move towards a relationship, open the door to a friendship. If you want love to last, lasting friendship is the best foundation you can give it. After time, it should be clear if both of you desire the clear commitment of a relationship. There’s no need to rush into it. During this time, think about whether or not you’re even ready to be in a relationship that could lead to marriage. If you’re not, then you have one more reason not to worry about what he’s thinking.

Lastly, keep your friendship with him pure. Many young women hook up with guys in a vain effort to win their commitment. But the only reason a guy would commit to such a girl is if he wanted more consistent hook ups. Obviously, the longing for true love that God has planted within your heart will never be fulfilled by becoming some guy’s hook up buddy. Set your standards high, and be at peace that God always saves his best for those who leave the decision up to him.

Q. What's the difference between dating and courtship?

A. The concept of dating is about eighty years old--as old as the automobile. Nowadays we are so used to it that we might not be able to imagine any other approach to relationships. But back before the car, the purpose of investing time with a young man or woman was to see if he or she was a potential marriage partner. The reason you expressed romantic interest was to woo the person toward that lifelong commitment. This process usually took place within the context of family activities. When the car was invented, this courting could be divorced from spending time with family because the couple could leave the family behind. Soon, the whole point of spending time together shifted from discernment of marriage to wooing for the sake of wooing. People would begin a relationship simply because they found the other to be cute and fun.

This put a new spin on the focus of relationships, and short-term relationships became commonplace. With this mentality, a person who dates successfully breaks up with everyone in his life except for one person (and this is supposed to be good preparation for a successful marriage). Of course, the majority of relationships do not end in marriage, but some become so intimate and intense that the couple might as well be married. If a breakup occurs, then they experience a sort of emotional divorce. It is not uncommon that by the time a person is married, he feels like he has already been through five divorces.

You may ask, "Well, what is the alternative? Am I supposed to shelter myself, put walls around my heart, and forget having a social life?" Not at all. The alternative is to rethink the way we approach relationships. Whether we admit it or not, the world has molded our views of preparing for marriage. We need to seriously ask ourselves: "What is the godly approach to relationships?" What would God have us do? Perhaps his ways are a 180-degree change from everything you've experienced. Perhaps you are burned out from the dating scene anyway, and could use a breath of fresh air.

Either way, I suggest a return to the principles of courtship. When I first heard of the resurgence of Christian courtship, I was skeptical. I remember thinking: "Oh, courtship. So if I want to spend time with a girl, I have to arrange for our families to go to a pumpkin patch together, followed by an exciting evening of board games, and then go home by seven. Woo hoo--real practical for a guy just out of college, living in Southern California." I had heard a great deal about courtship, but when I began reading books on the subject I ended up liking the idea more than I hoped I would. There was a great deal of wisdom that I had never tapped into.

Many books propose different forms of biblical dating, but the fact is that no one ever dated in the Bible. In some passages the parents arranged the marriage, and in other places we read of men going to foreign countries to capture their wives. The idea of traveling overseas and capturing a wife is appealing, but the Bible does provide guidelines that are more practical. Just because the concept of dating was unknown to those before the twentieth century, that doesn't mean that Scripture cannot help us understand the mind of God on the matter.

In Psalm 78:8 we read of a generation that had no firm purpose and their hearts were not fixed steadfastly on God. If that is a good description of our relationships, they need some reworking. We should be intent on finding out if it is the Lord's will for us to be with a certain person, and until we are ready to move in the direction of marriage, what is the point of committing to another?

Some may retort that this is all too serious, but should we be giving our hearts away to people who are in no position to make a real commitment? I am not proposing that you build an impenetrable wall around your heart, but that you guard it with prudence. We can wrestle over the terms "courtship" and "dating," but the essential thing is to glorify God and act wisely. The time spent prior to marriage must be a school of love where two young people learn the art of forgetting self for the good of the other.

While there is nothing wrong with becoming friends and spending time with members of the opposite sex, committed relationships should be entered into for the sake of discerning marriage. When we do enter into relationships, we should allow wisdom to chaperone romance. This involves having the humility to become accountable to others. Find a member of the same sex that you look up to, and go to him or her for guidance in your relationships. As Proverbs says, "Without counsel plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed" (Prov. 15:22).

There is also a great deal of wisdom in spending time together with the other person's family. Not only does it honor the parents, it also helps you get to know the family that you may one day join. Finally--and this may be a real eye-opener: How this person treats his or her family will likely be how he or she treats you when the feelings taper off. For example, if you are a young woman dating a guy who is disrespectful toward his mother and sisters, but is a perfect gentleman around you, guess what you have to look forward to if you settle down with him.

If we spend every waking hour tucked away in private gazing into our sweetheart's eyes, we will never find out who they are. The type of time a guy and girl spend together is essential if they wish to ground their relationship in reality. Spending time in service, with family, and even playing sports will help reveal who the person really is.

These are some of the principles of courtship: ask God's blessing at the beginning of a relationship; enter it with direction, toward discerning marriage; involve the families; be accountable to others; pace yourselves as you spend time together; and always listen for the Lord's guidance.

Have you ever stopped and think where are you going?

Many people today are so determined to get what they want. They put all their time and energy in pursuing their ambitions or longing in life. They all hope that achieving them will bring joy and meaning in their lives.

What I have noticed is that they start pursuing stuffs in life without first thinking what a meaningful life is. They start running as fast as they could and not really having a clear vision where they are going. “Well they are all running that way, so might as well run that way.” Running fast is great if you are running the right direction, because if not, you are going the wrong way and fast. There are few people who actually stop and check their direction in life.

I have encountered people so consumed by their careers, money, fame and power that I sometimes think if they really know what they are headed for? Everything that are of this world are just means, not ends. They forget the most simplest and most meaningful thing they can do in life, love or charity toward others.

I watch this people, knowing sooner or later they are going to hit a brick wall. They will one day realize that after everything they have accumulated, they are left empty inside.

We can fill our hearts with a lot of stuffs, money, power, fame or sex, all of it will not satisfy our deep longing for love. We were made for love. And only God’s love and the love of others can truly give us that meaningful and beautiful life we all seek.

Unfortunately, when old age catches up, that is when we realize the futility of our efforts and the time we have wasted pursuing things that meant nothing.

Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still.

A story from Mother Teresa:

Some of my sisters work in Australia. On a reservation, among the Aborigines, there was an elderly man. I can assure you that you have never seen a situation as difficult as that poor old man's. He was completely ignored by everyone. His home was disordered and dirty.

I told him, "Please, let me clean your house, wash your clothes, and make your bed." He answered, "I'm okay like this. Let it be."

I said again, "You will be still better if you allow me to do it."

He finally agreed. So I was able to clean his house and wash his clothes. I discovered a beautiful lamp, covered with dust. Only God knows how many years had passed since he last lit it.

I said to him, "Don't you light your lamp? Don't you ever use it?"

He answered, "No. No one comes to see me. I have no need to light it. Who would I light it for?"

I asked, "Would you light it every night if the sisters came?"

He replied, "Of course."

From that day on the sisters committed themselves to visiting him every evening. We cleaned the lamp, and the sisters would light it every evening.

Two years passed. I had completely forgotten that man. He sent this message: "Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."

END.

Do You Know That There are Other People Living here on Earth Other Than You?

I am amaze how much “Me” messages out there in the media and in our society. I saw once a guy wearing a tee shirt that sums it up, “It’s All About Me”.

I have noticed that many of us have become insensitive and even indifferent with other people. I am always amazed when I ride a jeepney how people will not move even though one person is already having a hard time sitting, even if that person is a woman. They just sit there as if seeing nothing. I think that best defines our society today. Insensitive.

For a third world country, where the poor is all over the place, we have the talent not to see them. We are all to preoccupied with our selfish desires, that we forget that other people are suffering. We all have excuses not to help them, while we shower ourselves with stuffs we don’t need.

This is what Jesus said about our lack of action in helping others.

“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ “Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ “Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ “These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Q. What if you feel you're with 'the one?' Isn't it best just to live in the moment and live each day as if it were your last?

A. If we lived every day as if it were our last, then don't study for finals. They won't come. Don't send in applications for college. What's the point? Spend all of your money today and quit your job. Seize the day, and you'll wake up tomorrow feeling pretty embarrassed. The same goes in relationships.

If you think you've found your soul-mate, then do not give in to the desires of the moment, but build the foundation to make your love last a lifetime. We all have this desire for enduring love, and we all hear about the 50% divorce rate. So, where do people go wrong? For one, couples who sleep together before they marry are three times as likely to divorce.(1) For why this happens, click here.

By the time I was married to Crystalina at the age of 27, I was convinced in four previous relationships that I had found "the one." Since then, one of those girls has been married and divorced, and the other three are married … to friends of mine!

We always hear about living in the moment, and Hollywood gives us the romantic image of spontaneous love without regrets. We see Titanic: "Oh no, we're going to die. Let's have sex." This is a fine way to live if there were no such thing as tomorrow, or eternity. If I knew Crystalina and I would die three days before our wedding, the last thing on earth I would want to do is to remove her from the grace of God through sin. Being together for a few nights would be nice, but being together for eternity would be better. The difference is that love can wait to give, but lust can not wait to get.

Love at the moment may seem intoxicating, but you must have the wisdom to realize that you are worth waiting for. Pray to have the strength to avoid a huge mistake. If you choose to be pure, you will be loving your boyfriend in the most perfect way. If it is truly love that you want to express to him, purity alone can communicate that.

Couples who are chaste still want to be one, so they are forced to learn how to express love to one another in non-sexual ways, and their intimacy deepens. So, why wait until tomorrow to have what you can get today? Because after you get what you want, where is "the one" six months from now? Crystalina thought it was love when she lost her virginity in high school. Now, I've seen the tears fall down her face as she remembers it years later.

So, indeed you should live as if you will die tomorrow. Love to the fullest. Every person on earth should live and love like this. But, the key is that impatient lust is very, very different from love. Lust says, "I want it, you want it, let's go." Love says, "No matter what you or I want, I want what is best for you." Besides, if you're meant to be with this person, you will have the rest of your life to enjoy sex. But if you are not meant to be, then why harm your ability to bond with the one who you will marry? Love is patient. That's one huge element that distinguishes it from infatuation.

I just read a book by a psychologist where he said most teens are in the concrete operational stage of thinking. What this meant, he said, is that most of them have no idea how the decisions they make now will affect them in the future. All they see is present rewards and consequences, not future rewards and consequences. By failing to look into the future, they often make life-changing decisions that harm them.

So if you think you found your soul-mate, make smart decisions now, and put God at the center of your relationship. Be at peace and trust God with your bodies. If it is his will, you two will last. In the mean time, I once heard it said that God always gives his best to those who leave the choice to him.
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J.D. Teachman, J. Thomas, and K. Paasch, "Legal Status and the Stability of Coresidential Unions," Demography, November 1991, 571-83.

from http://www.pureloveclub.com

Q. What's wrong with just hooking up?

A. When you "hook up" for fun, physical intimacy begins to lose its depth, greatness, sacredness, and power to bond two people. Sex is shared as easily as a handshake, and the couple loses all reverence for the sacredness of each other's body. You begin thinking that physical pleasure is basically for fun, and can solve the problem of boredom or loneliness.

This leads to the idea that if two people agree to do X, then it is okay to do it. Often, this is nothing more than two people agreeing to use each other for mutual gratification. They receive the physical pleasure of being held, the emotional pleasure of being desired, and they remain together so long as they are a source of pleasure for each other. This is not far from prostitution.

Pope John Paul II said, "Deep within yourself, listen to your conscience which calls you to be pure . . . a home is not warmed by the fire of pleasure which burns quickly like a pile of withered grass. Passing encounters are only a caricature of love; they injure hearts and mock God's plan." (1)

In the long run, no one benefits from these kinds of "relationships." I read of one young husband who said, "I would do anything, ANYTHING, to forget the sexual experiences I had before I met my wife. . . . The pictures of the past and the other women go through my head, and it's killing any intimacy. The truth is, I have been married to this wonderful woman for eight years and I have never been 'alone' in the bedroom with her."

So, if you want the love you have been created to give and receive, realize that it takes patience and purity instead of impatience and lust. Purity is the guardian of love.
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(1) Pope John Paul II, address, 29 April 1989, Antananarivo, Madagascar. As quoted by López, ed., The Meaning of Vocation, 28.

Are You the Source of Your Own Misery?

Have you ever met the unholy trinity? Sure you have! They are always with you 24/7. The unholy trinity is Me, Myself and I.

I have been talking to fairly a lot of people lately. One thing I noticed was the favorite topic of our talk was them. Our conversation mostly revolves on what they have, what they want and what they don’t have. Talking to these people is like entering another world, the “Me, Myself and I” world. To tell you frankly, it’s a very boring world.

There is one word that best describe these people, selfish.

One thing I have observed about selfish people, no matter what they have achieved in life, they still feel deprived of something. They still have lots of things to complain about. They are upset most of the time because things do not go as they want. I still yet to here one of them get upset because people are dying of hunger in Africa. Or children are being abused and abandoned. It is like that they are the only one who has problems in this world.

There is certain irony in selfishness. The more one selfishly acquire the things of the world like money, fame or power, the more their world shrinks. They believe their selfishness will bring them joy, but in reality the root of their misery is their own selfishness. Observe those people who are truly joyful, you will see that they are all unselfish.

God created us in His image and likeness. And God is Love. The love I am talking about is agape or self-donating love. It is the love which Jesus showed us when He was crucified. His love was empty of self.

Now look into your heart. And ask yourself; is my selfishness cause of my misery?

Looking for Broken Lanterns.

Have you ever noticed that even though how broken and damage the lantern is, once you light it up from the inside, the brokenness of the lantern seems to be consumed by the light?

The King is looking for damage and broken lanterns. He will take all sorts and shapes.

God needs carriers of His love in this dark and cold world we live in. He does not really care if you are broken or not. What He needs is for you to open up your heart and let His love light your heart afire. His light is so powerful that it will consume all your brokenness. And the light that God has inflamed in you must now shine on those who are living in darkness. You must be a sign of Love and of Hope to the world. "No one lights a lamp and puts it in a hiding place or under a basket, but on a lamp stand, so that those who enter may see its light. - Luke 11:33

We are all called to be a light to the world. But our light does not come from us, it comes from God alone. We are all too broken to shine by ourselves. Jesus is the only light of the world.

Jesus said this to Mother Teresa: “Come, be my light. Bring me into the dark holes of the poor. Come, carry me, I cannot go alone.” God needs you!

Now, the question is, are you willing to be a source of light to others?

Q. Is it ok to fantasize about my boyfriend? You know, is just thinking about it wrong?

A. It depends upon what you mean about fantasize. For example, it is both healthy and natural for an engaged couple to look forward to the relations that come within marriage.

But, if you're playing out sexual acts in your mind, then this is not pure. It's just teasing you, because the mind is not content with thinking about sex. The more you think of impurities, the more you will want to fulfill those thoughts. On the other hand, the more you purify your thoughts, the purer your actions will become.

In fact, we usually try to rationalize lustful thoughts under the guise that "we're not actually doing it." But we should recall words of Christ, who said "whoever even lusts after a woman has committed adultery with her in his heart."

With that having been said, if you're a long way from marriage, it's not even appropriate to look forward to marital relations with a boyfriend. Now is the time to look forward to getting to know him better, and to focus on where God may be calling you.