In What Kind of Relationship Are You In? Give and Take or Give and Receive?

We often hear that to be in a good relationship there has to be a “give and take” within the partners. But I think sometimes the “give and take” mentality can get old quick, because it has a tendency to be selfish. I give so I can take. Their giving becomes an indirect egotism. St Thomas Aquinas defines love as to will the good of the other as other. There is no hidden agenda in real love. You love the person for the sake of the person and not because you can get something out of the person. A real loving relationship practices “give and receive.” There is no need for taking because the longings are being given by the partner even before the other asks for it. Two persons who are deeply in love are focused on their beloved and not on themselves. They want to make their beloved happy. He puts her before himself every time in every thing. And she does the same. Both are satisfied and fulfilled. Both feel loved. Most of us when we are considering entering into a relationship with someone ask this question, “What can I get from this person?” Another way of putting it is “What can this person give me?” I think we should have a radical change of attitude if we want to experience real and lasting love. We must change the question “What can I get” to “What can I give to this person?” The best example of this love is Jesus on the Cross. When Jesus let Himself get crucified, it was solely for you and me. There was no hidden agenda on Jesus’ suffering except our salvation. It was a totally selfless act. Jesus died because He loved you and me. PERIOD. So if we want to have a beautiful relationship, we must learn to love like Jesus. Our love has to be totally unselfish and self-giving. There is no greater love than to give one’s life for a friend.

Blog by Daxx Bondoc
(www.inspirationalblogs.com)

*If you want to repost this blog please include “ From Inspirationalblogs.com “ and the end.

What does selfishness has to do with loneliness?

There are more than 6.7 billion people living on this planet right now. The planet has never been this populated. Yet this world have never experience so much loneliness like we do today. The more the people the less we are supposed to be alone. But many of us are alone. And worse is many of us are lonely. So what happened with the saying “The more the merrier?” I believe that the cause of this plague of loneliness is our very own selfishness. We have solely focused everything towards ourselves and forgotten others. We have chosen to disconnect ourselves to the rest of humanity when we placed ourselves as the center of the universe, the place of God. Each one of us was made for love. We long to love and be loved. To be denied of love, is to be denied of one of our most basic need. The state or feeling of being unloved is what we often call loneliness. Loneliness is one of the worst poverty one can experience. Because of our selfishness we have forgotten what real love is. We have focused are actions on taking than on sharing. We have a world full of Go-Getters and hoarders. Because of our mentality of getting we forgot to give. Now everyone feels deprived and empty because no one is giving. Unconditional love is scarce these days. It is funny because our own greed has made us poor. We fill ourselves with worldly stuffs but feel empty in the inside. We jump from one party to the next only to go home feeling so more lonely the before. We pursued to get everything we want, only to realize that it does not cure our emptiness. I believe to solution to loneliness is love. We must learn give ourselves to be filled. St. Francis of Assisi said, “It is in giving that we receive.” The world needs the Go-Givers to make this lonely planet less lonely. “Where there is no love, put love and you will draw out love.” – St John of the Cross

Blog by Daxx Bondoc
(www.inspirationalblogs.com)

*If you want to repost this blog please include “ From Inspirationalblogs.com “ and the end.

Q. Why is the Catholic Church against contraception?

A. Contraception is nothing new; history records people using various methods of birth control four thousand years ago. Ancient people swallowed potions to cause temporary sterility; they used linens, wool, or animal skins as barrier methods; they fumigated the uterus with poison to keep it from bearing life. The Romans practiced contraception, but the early Christians stood out from the pagan culture because they refused to use it.[1] Scripture condemned the act (Gen. 38:8–10), as did all Christian denominations before 1930.

At that time the Anglican Church decided to allow contraception in some circumstances. They soon gave in on the issue altogether, and before long all Protestant denominations followed suit. Now only the Catholic Church stands fast on the teaching of historic Christianity. But why? Why doesn’t the Church “get with the times”?

The modern world has trouble understanding the Church’s stance on contraception because the world does not know the purpose of sex. The writer Frank Sheed said that “modern man practically never thinks about sex.” He dreams of it, craves it, pictures it, drools over it, but never pauses to actually think about it. Sheed continued: “Our typical modern man, when he gives his mind to it at all, thinks of sex as something we are lucky enough to have; and he sees all its problems rolled into the one problem of how to get the most pleasure out of it.”[2]

But we should put more thought into the matter. Who invented sex? What is sex? What is its purpose? What is it worth? For starters, God invented sex. Since he is its author, he knows its meaning and purpose better than we do. God has revealed that the purposes of sex are procreation and union (babies and bonding), and that the sexual act can be thought of as the wedding vows made flesh. The wedding vows are promises that your love will be free, faithful, total, and open to life. Each act of marital intercourse should be a renewal of these vows.

Some couples say that they will be open to life but will contracept between kids. In other words, they will be completely open to life—except when they sterilize their acts of love. Imagine if they had the same mentality with other parts of the wedding vows. Can a wife say she is faithful except when she has affairs? Can she say that she will give herself totally to her husband as long as he’s rich? Can a husband say the marital act is free except when he forces himself upon his wife? All of this is absurd, but contracepting couples contradict their own vows in a similar way when they refuse to be open to God’s gift of life. When it comes down to it, they are afraid of what sex really means.

But sex is more than the wedding vows made flesh. It is also a reflection of the life-giving love of the Trinity. In the words of Carlo Cardinal Martini, “In the Bible, the man-woman couple is not meant to be simply a preservation of the species, as is the case for the other animals. Insofar as it was called to become the image and likeness of God, it expresses in a bodily, tangible way the face of God, which is Love.”[3] God’s plan for us to love as he loves is stamped into our very being, and so there is really only one question to ask when it comes to sexual morality: “Am I expressing God’s love through my body?” When a married couple does this, they become what they are—an image of Trinitarian love—and through this they unveil the love of God to the world.

The act of life-giving love between a husband and wife is also meant to be a mirror of the love that Christ has for his Church. We should ask ourselves: “If we consider the relationship between Christ and his Church, where does contraception fit into the picture? What is contraceptive about Christ’s love?”

Beyond the theological implications, consider the consequences of contraception in society. When contraception spread among Christians, the Catholic Church warned about the harm it would inflict on relationships. Rates of marital infidelity would increase because spouses could be unfaithful without fear of pregnancy. Since contraception offers an easy way to elude the moral law, there would be a general lowering of morality. The Church “feared that the man, growing used to the employment of anti-conceptive practices, may finally lose respect for the woman, and no longer caring for her physical and psychological equilibrium, may come to the point of considering her a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.”[4] Furthermore, if people could separate making love from making life, then why would those acts that are unable to make life (homosexual sex or masturbation) be forbidden? With the increase in contraceptive use, it would become increasingly difficult to view sexuality as a sign of God’s love.

Some argue that the Church restricts women’s freedom by opposing contraception. However, the sour fruit of contraceptive “liberation” is manifested most clearly not by arguments but by the lives of those who accept such false ideas of freedom. Consider the following question that one young woman sent to Dear Abby: “I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the Pill for two years. It’s getting pretty expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.”[5]

In the words of Christopher West, “If the real problem behind women’s oppression is men’s failure to treat them properly as persons, contraception is a sure way to keep women in chains.”[6] The earliest feminists opposed contraception for this reason, and some modern feminists still realize that contraception is the enemy of women’s liberation.[7]

Anthropologists who study the origin and destruction of civilizations have noted that societies that do not direct their sexual energies toward the good of marriage and family begin to crumble.[8] Therefore the Church did not hesitate to point out the vast implications of contraception. The love between a husband and wife holds a marriage together. A strong marriage holds the family together. Strong families hold society together, and a civilization will stand or fall upon this. “The future of humanity,” according to the Church, “passes by way of the family.”[9] If it can be shown that contraception compromises intimacy between a husband and wife, invites selfishness into the marital act, and opens a door for greater infidelity, then contraception is a cancer to civilization itself.

For a great explanation of why the Church opposes contraception, check out Janet Smith's tape, Contraception, Why Not?.
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[1] St. Augustine Marriage and Concupiscence 1:15:17 (A.D. 419), St. John Chrysostom Homilies on Romans 24 (A.D. 391), and others. (www.catholic.com/library/Contraception_and_Sterilization.asp).
[2] Frank Sheed, Society and Sanity (New York: Sheed and Ward, 1953), 107.
[3]. Cardinal Carlo Martini, On the Body (New York: Crossroad Publishing Co., 2000), 49.
[4]. Pope Paul VI, encyclical letter, Humanae Vitae 17 (Of Human Life), (Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 1997).
[5]. Abigail Van Buren, The Best of Dear Abby (New York: Andrews and McMeel, 1981), 242, as quoted in DeMarco, New Perspectives, 42.
[6]. West, Good News About Sex and Marriage, 122.
[7]. Donald DeMarco, “Contraception and the Trivialization of Sex” (www.cuf.org/july99a.htm).
[8]. Donald DeMarco, New Perspectives on Contraception (Dayton, Ohio: One More Soul, 1999), 89.
[9]. Pope John Paul II, apostolic exhortation, Familiaris Consortio 86 (The Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World), (Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 1981).

from http://www.chastity.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=90

How Does Failures Prepare You for Greatness?

Do you think at this moment you have what it takes to be great? Do you have the strength and wisdom to achieve your dreams now?

Many of us, if we are humble enough, can say to ourselves we are not ready to realize our dreams yet. We don’t have the capacity to handle what we want in life.

We think that success will make us better, and it can. But there is also danger with success; it can bloat our ego or pride. And once our ego gets bloated we have a tendency to be unrealistic. We can over estimate ourselves, which can lead to disaster. Pride can delude us that we are the best when we are not. Pride is an obstacle to really becoming a great person.

Failures on the other hand can teach us humility. Failures can make us realize our weaknesses that we need to overcome. It also forces us to go beyond ourselves. Failures push us to find new ways and strategies in pursuing our goals. Failures taken well, can teach us much wisdom that cannot be found in books or at class.

Failures also toughen us. Imagine you want to fight a champion boxer. Do you think you can go on the ring with him now? You will be massacred I bet. Before you go to the big league you need to be beaten up, toughen up. Your body needs to be hit by strong punches so your muscle would adjust to the blows. Your body needs to be tough if you want to stay in the ring and win the fight. If you fight a champion boxer now, he will take you down in one punch. To be the champ you need to pay the price. No pain, no gain.

Many of us want to be successful, but we don’t think about the problems that come with it. If you have a multi-million dollar company, you are always at a risk of multi-millions. Can you handle that pressure?

I watch American movie stars, and how they cracked under the weight of success and fame. Many of them become addicted to drugs, sex or alcohol. Some even can’t handle their stardom and go nuts. Some even commit suicide.

So better think again. Can you handle the success you desire?

Our failures in life can help us prepare for the success that lies ahead. It can give us the wisdom, strength and detachment we need to make the big critical decisions when we are up there at the top.

So when failure comes, take is as a preparation for greatness.

Do You Feel All is Lost in Your Life Because of the Suffering You are In?

Suffering and pain is one of the hardest mysteries man has to face. Many have lost faith because of this.

So how can we look at suffering and not lose hope?

Imagine you found a book, The Two Towers of The Lord of the Rings. But the book you found lacked the last chapter. The book ended with the Orcs seizing Minas Tirith and defeating the humans. You would think that it was a depressing novel!

Because who have not read what happens next, which is the Riders of Rohan arrives at the break of dawn and defeated the invading Orcs, you would have miss the glory of the ending of the novel.

Sometimes when suffering and pains hit us, we feel that all is lost. This is the end. We have a tendency to summarize our life in that painful moment. And we fall to discouragement and even despair.

But what we forget is that this moment is only a chapter in the story of our life. The story does not end, unless we choose to end it.

God is the Divine Story teller. He directs everything that happens in our lives. Yes, even the painful ones He permits for the greater good.

If it was not for the danger of Sauron of taking over Middle Earth, the humans and elves would have not united. The evilness of Sauron became the reason of their unity, and eventually peace in the lands.

Heroes are born in crisis. It was in the darkest moment of the story when Aragorn took on his kingly role and lead the victory. We can see in history that men’s greatness shone during the worst of times. Churchill became great during the Nazi era. Martin Luther King became great during the great racism towards the black people. And we can see with other great people like Gandhi, John Paul II and Mother Teresa, all of them became great not because it was the best of times. Their greatness shone during the worst of times.

The darker the night, the brighter the stars shine.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ” - Charles Dickens

We must remember that when suffering hits us, it is not the end. It is only a chapter in our lives. And the chapter continues. And we move on.

We must have faith in God that He has a beautiful ending for our lives. All we have to do is to make it there.

-daxx

How to View Failure in a Different Way

Failure is painful. Some of us never recover from it. Others out of fear of failure are crippled to live life to the full.

So how do we overcome failure and not be overcome by them?

Having suffered a lot myself, here is what i learned. I look at my failure as data. It is information that came out of a process or experiment. I try not to put emotional labels on the said failure or data as I call it.

I call my failure as undesired outcome or result.

I don’t think the saying “I tried and nothing happened” is the right way of looking at our failure. If you “tried” then something “happened”, that is simple physics. If there is an action, then there is a reaction. What we say “Nothing happened.” what we actually say is “I did not like what happened.”

Even in not doing anything, something is happening. You are “wasting your time.”

Great people have suffered a lot of failures and disappointments. What makes them different from us is they did not give up. They used their failures as stepping stones for their success. Like Bo Sanchez said, they failed their way to success.

“All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune.” - Henry David Thoreau

If you want to be great then be ready to fail or to have undesirable results with your effort.

Be great. Don’t quit.

Blog by Daxx Bondoc
(www.inspirationalblogs.com)

*If you want to repost this blog please include “ From Inspirationalblogs.com “ and the end.

Inspirational Confidence Story - Abraham LinIncoln

by Catherine Pratt

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln had two business ventures fail, lost 8 different elections and had a complete nervous breakdown before becoming president in 1816? His story is a great inspirational confidence story in that he shows how if you just keep moving towards your dream, you will eventually make it.

Abraham Lincoln overcame great setbacks and obstacles on his journey. Take a look at the synopsis of his life and see whether you would have had the courage to continue on.

1809 Born February 12

1816 Abraham Lincoln's family was forced out of their home and he needed to work to support his family.

1818 His mother passed away

1828 His sister dies

1831 A business venture failed

1832 He ran for the State Legislature. He lost.

1832 In the same year, he also lost his job. He decided he wanted to go to law school but couldn't get in.

1833 He borrowed money from a friend to start a business. By the end of the year, he was bankrupt.

1834 He ran for the State Legislature again. This time he won.

1835 The year was looking better as he was engaged to be married. Unfortunately, his fiancee died and he was grief stricken.

1836 This was the year he had a total nervous breakdown and for 6 months was bedridden.

1836 He sought to become Speaker of the State Legislature. He was defeated.

1840 He sought to become Elector. He was defeated.

1842 Marries Mary Todd. They have 4 boys but only one would live to maturity.

1843 He ran for Congress. He lost.

1846 He ran for Congress again. He won and moved to Washington.

1848 He ran for re-election to Congress. He lost.

1849 He sought the job of Land Officer in his home state. He didn't get the job.

1850 His son, Edward, dies.

1854 He ran for the Senate of the United states. He lost.

1856 He sought the Vice Presidential nomination at a national convention. He got less than 100 votes.

1858 He ran for the Senate again. He lost again.

1860 Abraham Lincoln is elected President of the United States

He became one of America's greatest president.